Ever been a room where the air is thick with tension that everyone can feel but no one is willing to broach? This drives me nuts! Why not bring up the uncomfortable topic, apologize, agree to disagree, or whatever, and MOVE ON. Perhaps etiquete says to ignore it altogether, dwell on a different subject, pretend nothing's wrong and it will go away on its own. I've been in several situations like this and the elephant does NOT lumber off on its own.
I really wish people would get over feeling awkward about talking about the forbidden subject in order to have honest and open relationships.
The close relationships that I maintain have all reached a point where something has come up that needs to be discussed. I think it's because when you truly get to know someone, you WILL find something you don't like. We're all human, nobody's perfect, and we all have things that irritate us about others and that others find irritating about us. When I have had an uncomfortable topic to broach with a friend and the friend is open-minded, and I am graceful, our friendship always grows stonger through the mending of fences.
And sometimes, it doesn't work out so well...the other person does not deal well with confrontation or the issue is so large and the gap so wide that we decide instead to go our separate ways. That's OK, too. You can't like everybody.
Well said. The longer you go without talking about it, the further apart and angrier you get.
ReplyDeleteAnd maaaaaaybe, there really isn't an elephant in the room? And it's better to not bring up something petty? Or not expect a confrontation, but rather in humility hope the other person will be gracious when I ask them if I've done something to offend them? And who really wants their issues brought up in a confrontational manner anyway? These are the things I try to remember when I sense tension. But also, when I really love someone, the word "confrontation" never crosses my mind when there's an issue to discuss. Knowing myself well, if I were to approach a conversation as that - a confrontation - I don't believe my friend would be feeling the love. And then I think about the times I've initiated confrontations, and I remember going into them with a battle/prideful mindset and not a gracious, loving, caring one. Live and learn, I suppose. But you're right. True friends stick around, simply because they know they're loved.
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