I've been thinking about toddlers a lot lately, since I have one. Rowan has begun hitting as a show of his defiance toward anyone who tells him 'no,' requires something of him that he doesn't like, or simply as an outburst of anger. And something that gives me pause is this word that people use....because we've all heard it, we're conditioned to believe it, and many of us buy into it... A stage. Most people use the word stage to describe their children's behavior as a way of excusing it.
I don't believe hitting/tantrums are a stage in the way that most use the word. It's the beginning of sin.
"He'll grow out of it," they say. And maybe he will- "grow out of" the behavior. But he'll only learn/develop/discover more and worse ways to behave when he doesn't get his way, whether it's whining, stomping on the floor, throwing things, screaming, etc. These displays are an attempt to dominate others, to gain control of the situation or the parents, thereby demonstrating his sinful nature. (interesting that most parents prefer to difuse the situation instead of dealing with the sin).
Now a stage as a term of the child's development is different. This is just refering to the level of cognisant reasoning present in a child's mind at any given time/age. Rowan's stage of hitting just means that he has figured out that he can react by hitting whenever he feels like he is not the dominant party: another child has taken his toy, he is being prevented from taking a toy, Mama has told him "no," or for any other reason. His natural instinct takes over in an attempt to dominate. The particular behavior or awareness of the child is not really the issue. It's where we go from here that's important.
If left to himself, Rowan's natural instinct will turn to sin....and sin, when it is fully formed, brings death. So, it is up to Daddy and Mama to instruct and correct with the rod and reproof to teach Rowan to make better choices and learn to control his natural instincts which are not all good, for his benefit in the long run.
Sin isn't a stage. It's something that we're all born into and must choose to avoid. So, one reason I spank Rowan each time he hits is to teach him to do what's right even before he can conciuosly make the decision himself. In the long run, he is learning self-control, to make the right choice even though it's harder than lashing out and doing what comes natually to him.
The other reason I'm training him to obey (whether it's to not hit, come here, eat all his lunch, clean up the toys) is so that he submits himself to the higher authority. For Rowan, Mama and Daddy are the authority and our instruction is backed up with the rod/switch/paddle. If we're not in charge, than he is. And he wants to be, as do all children. But he doesn't know what's best for himself and we're the ones with the responsibility to "train him up in the way he should go."
The reason I use a switch to spank him instead of the many other methods used to train children is 1. because the Bible instructs it, 2. because it is quick, effective, and not a drawn out form of punishment, 3. because it works (!) to bring about a change in behavior, and 4. I can discipline him without bringing about an emotional response in myself as threatening/yelling/bribing would bring. I want to gain complete obedience from Rowan every time and I want to do it avoiding the emotional upheaval that these other things would do.
Another thought: spanking does yeild great results, especially in young children whose attention span is not really long enough to benefit from a time-out (what am I sitting here for?), because it is quick and painful. For the child whose parents consistently administer the discipline, pain is soon associated with negative behavior. BUT, it's not fair to the child who doesn't have clear and consistent boundaries. If you only spank after you are exasperated and angry with your child, he will associate the pain of the spanking with your emotion. "I get a spanking when Mommy gets angry enough." The child will learn to push your buttons just far enough and then back off when he senses you're ready to explode. Talk about unjust! You would be training him to avoid your wrath instead of the (sinful) behavior that is causing your irritation.
Just thought you might be interested in a bit of my kid-raising philosophy. :) I welcome questions or comments!
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