I was talking with a friend who mentioned that once a family has 3 children, the number of social invitations dwindles to basically nil. Apparently, those who once invited this family over/out assume that the parents must now be so overwhelmed with their huge family that they won't be able to have a good time, or will be too exhausted to want to go out at all, or, more likely, the invitee simply can't handle the energy that comes with many children and so chooses not to invite. hmmm. Can this be the case?? Makes me think there's something wrong with the world if we do not value children enough to enjoy the chaos, handle the interruptions, and clean up the mess that they inevitable leave in their wake- or rather, to teach them to clean up after themselves.
As to the former excuse, it is true that having children takes a great deal of energy and that many parents are sleep deprived and might prefer to go to bed early than attend a social engagement. Why not let the parents decide for themselves? If the latter excuse rings true, however, maybe we all should stretch ourselves enough to include the little ones and enjoy the nuances of a get-together with small kids. I garuntee it will be interesting, might even be fun! After all, children are tomorrow's future, seems like they would benefit from learning how to conduct themselves in a social situation with adults.
I have noticed a significant decline of invitations since we had Rowan, and then Elias, but I suppose this just means we'll have to broaden our friend base to those who already have children and therefore appreciate the little ones and understand that those with kids still like to have a life! Since this phenominon of losing friends, I appreciate even more those who have continued to hang out with us, in spite of *gasp* our children.
I'm interested to see what the future holds for our friendships since we do hope to have (read:many) more children. I sure hope the general public doesn't shy away from families with many children like some kind of a disease (don't worry, it's not contagious), but in the event that this is so, I hope to have so much grace that when someone comments to me on my large family,"Are they all yours? God bless you!" I reply as per Clara Danielson, "He already has."
Well, you guys are always welcome at the bus...but maybe mainly in summer so the kids can eat on a picnic blanket outside. Then again, what the heck, they can sit on the floor and play jacks!
ReplyDeleteI think it goes both way. I stopped hanging out as much with a lot of my friends who are single when I got married and some of our friends who've had children stopped hanging out with us as much. Obviously having one child versus having a few is not all that different when compared to being single vs. being married but I guess there might be something to it, different stages in life.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course we still love hanging out with you guys! Speaking of which...
ReplyDeleteI love this post! And as you've heard me say before, I really hope you have at least 10 kids! Your kids are delightful and I will love each and every one you have.
ReplyDeleteRegarding invites, I think what you've said here is true. But I would hope to think it's not mainly that others don't like children or find them a bother, but more for the reasons you've mentioned about assuming the family is busy, or not being able to seat all of them. And of course it's easier to have families over that have well behaved children, but whether they are behaved or not I think it's important for all of us to open our home to visitors, and you are a great example of doing that!
Jane